ABC shows YOU how (not) to cruise for sex

Wow secret gay sex scandals are so informative!

I'm slightly embarrassed to say that ABC and the Washington Post have schooled me on the nuances of the anonymous gay hookup.

Thanks to such enlightened articles as ABC's "Secret Signals: How Gay Men Cruise for Sex", I am FINALLY confident that I can identify the warning signs that a clandestine gay orgy is about to take place.

And, in case my spidey sense fails, no worries. Steve Sanders, a lawyer and gay rights activist quoted in the article assures me that "...citizens have a right not to confront lewd activity in public places,"

Phew! It would be really awkward having to chastise the regulars at my favorite gay bar the Hole in the Wall, as I edged my way to the unofficial "ladies room" (aka the stall just past the urinals).

In case you, like most upstanding Americans, are wondering why someone would possibly want to have mind-blowing no-strings-attached sex with a reckless stranger, the Washington Post is here to kick mad knowledge. Here's a little gem from their article "Tapping Into The Secrets Of the Stall" a quote from Lt. Alberto Jova, commander of the DC Police Department's Gay and Lesbian Liason Unit "Anonymous sex is a huge turn on for many..." Uhhh...really!

It's really too bad for Sen. Craig and Rep. Bob Allen that they got caught soliciting male cops. One can only imagine how much better they would have fared had it been female cops. I can almost see it: "Upstanding Republicans Sabotaged by Corrupt Female Dominated Police Force today on The O'Reilly Factor."

Oh well. Better luck next time!