chocolate vs. sex: the subversion of pleasure

**disclaimer - gratuitous unsolicited product placement below**

One of my daily responsibilities here at the NSRC is to look up news stories that pertain to sexuality and sexual literacy. Sweet, right! That’s what I thought my first day when I ran across a juicy article about dead deer sex, ha! But, I soon realized that every morning, as I typed “sex” into the search mechanism on Yahoo News, there were just pages and pages of “sex” offenders, “sex” abusers, “sex”ploitation. Hmm, I thought, there’s got to be positive stories about sex too right? So, I started to experiment. Typed “pleasure” -- nothing sex-related there. Don't even ask about “passion” -- that term is reserved for the religious set.

So, if that’s not depressing enough, I discover that the reason we aren’t hearing anything fun about sex, is because sex for pleasure is going out of style. Apparently, like meatloaf and dirty martinis, complaining about that darn marital duty, sex, is back in vogue.

Just ask Joan Sewell, who just wrote a new and highly touted (by some) tell-all called I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido. Judging from the editorial review on Amazon.com, Joan is a freedom fighter of what could be a large army of oppressed (repressed?) women who’re saying no to hot sex and yes to hot cocoa. I can just imagine the book jacket cover with Joan in a beret and house dress, arm aloft, legs clenched shut, raised fist clutching a Milky Way.

Now, I must admit, I haven’t read the book, but judging from this tasty tidbit, I think I’ll pass:

Oprah was telling her audience, speaking to the camera, that you’re not alone, millions of women have this hidden shame. I can only say I felt a mixture of exhilaration and gratitude while I watched. Somebody was talking about it, real people, and not just the sexperts. Women were talking about the pain, fear, insecurity, guilt, and shame of having low sexual desire. Yes. This is big.

Now, are women really passing up sex for chocolate because they have low libidos or is this just symptomatic of a North America where women lack the necessary language to ask her man (sorry keeping it hetero here) to “move a little bit to the left” or “yeah keep it there”. I guess asking your honey to pick you up a quart of Ben and Jerry’s Karmel Sutra is just easier than discussing that darn sex thing.

I don’t want to make judgments, but this is a little distressing to me as single, hetero woman approaching her 30’s. I’m already feeling my biological clock ticking away and now I have to worry about my ‘getting busy’ clock too! Crap! Anyone got a Hersheys bar?