Voices of American Sexuality: Straight Talk

Straight Talk:

I can just hear Homer Simpson: "It's funny 'cause it's true..."

For years following the breakup of my marriage I wallowed in anger, despair, and self-recrimination. I had been determined to spare my daughter the prolonged, nasty, and bitter divorce that tore apart my childhood home, yet the best I could do was paint a smiley face on her uncertain future.

"You're so lucky," I lied to my then 4-year-old. "You get to have two houses."

Of course, like any rational person I blamed my ex. But I also blamed myself... again and again. Like Billy Pilgrim in Slaughterhouse-Five I had become unstuck in time, the tiniest train of thought instantly transporting me back to some distant moment when I said the wrong words or made the wrong choice, then suddenly sweeping me off to an idealized future of marital bliss that I would never experience.

Introspection can suck.

But I'm happy to report that the clouds have cleared from my eyes, for while reading the state supreme court decision upholding Washington's Defense of Marriage Act, I had an epiphany. All my brooding and blaming and finger pointing had been misplaced. The divorce wasn't my fault after all. It wasn't even my ex's.

It was the gays'.

Now, who can I blame my inability to finish projects, occasional grumpiness, and strangely literal mind on? I'm thinkin'...television!